My Cross

I have been doing a lot of reading lately. And as with anything in my life, some things I find comfort in, others I do not. I have a book that I do a daily reading in and today the reading really hit me hard and spoke to me. I definatly feel as though it was what I needed to hear. It was the story of the woman who spoke with God about her cross being too hard to carry. How she looks around and sees everyone else is carrying a much lighter cross than hers, and she wanted to trade. God granted her wish and allowed her to pick out her cross from a large selection. The first cross she chose was covered in diamonds and gems and she picked it up and fell to her knees, because although pretty, it was too heavy for her to carry. The next cross she chose to carry was covered in beautiful flowers. She picked it up and it felt light, but she then realized it was covered in thorns hidden among the flowers and it was cutting her back and arms. So she put it down. She continued to do this for several crosses and finally she came to a very simple cross with little markings and plain. She chose this cross to carry and it fit her perfectly. She realized quickly that this is the cross she had traded at the beginning, but knew it was meant for her. It made me think of my own cross, and the cross of my husband. I would not have chosen this cross for myself if I was given the chance to pick any cross in the world, but it is the cross that God chose for me, and therefore it is mine. I do not know the details of other people's cross, and I have to know that although heavy and sometimes too hard for me to carry on my own, God knows that this is the cross that is made for me. God knew me and knew the trials and tribulations that I would encounter long before I was a part of this world. He knew the losses I would face and he knew every pit of pain I would endure, but he also knew the love that I would feel and the joy that would come into my life. He made me strong enough, and made me the exact way I needed to be to carry this cross. Although he does not want me to hurt and I am sure it pains him to see me, his own child, hurting, He chose this cross for me knowing that I could carry it. He created me strong enough to carry this cross, and he also gave me my husband because he knew my husband would help me carry this cross. The reading went on to talk about how people try to deny their crosses and try to turn away from what God has given to them, the good and the bad. It made me realize that this cross that I carry, although terrible and heavy, although painful and heartbreaking, it is mine, and it made me think of what I can use my cross for? I am going to take my cross, and I am going to carry it and although I will fall, just as Jesus did carrying His own cross, I will continue to try and pick myself up and carry this heavy cross straight to God. This cross I carry I am going to use to grow closer to God and become the kind of Christian He wants me to be. I am not saying this will be easy, or that I will not want to fight Him on His choices for my life, but I have to know that just as I would never wish pain or suffering upon any of my own children, He would never do anything to hurt me without knowing it is part of something so much greater.